In all my selfish thoughts.

I could really use a wish right now.
Now I know people have problems but I find it quite good writing on here.
I find it good when I'm so clear.
I will never tread on anyone's toes I hate making awkward situations but I find them interesting all the same watching how everyone reacts to them.
I hate thinking about what I'm going to do about things I'd rather just be a plain sailing than really have anything to worry about it but that's just not human nature.
I think I'm different to quite alot of people.
I'm quite positive about most things but recently I have been finding my negative side and I'm cynical side maybe it's because I have opened my eyes that bit wider to see the real picture.
I hate feeling stupid but I do alot of the time, I feel stupid for thinking about things in that negative light but really I'm thinking no-one can hurt you only if you let them and I'm a sucker for that.
People do find it easy to walk all over me because I usually see the best in people and even after they have done that I still do.
Maybe I should be a life coach.
Nah, mines not too good at the minute, don't get me wrong I love the air I breathe and I love the people I have around me they are truly amazing!
And often I do go off the radar for awhile but it's only because I don't want them to have to listen to all my crap so I usually write it on here which no-one really reads anyway...
I don't get why I'm really writing it sort of gets something out of me by doing this.
I never really find it hard to tell people how I really feel about things if they asked me outright and I will tell them honestly. But I will never tell them the bad things.
I think that's why when bad things come my way I do get down about it but I'm sort of one of these people where I make the decision that's right for me and if that means losing people I'm sorry.
The decision I want to make is that if people don't like the way I say things or think things or deal with things or talk about things then they can fuck off.
I will never change for anyone, I won't pretend to be someone else and at the end of the day I'm always worrying and I'm always thinking about things I maybe shouldn't be thinking about but I thought that everyone does that but I seem to constantly ask why?
Why have they done that?
Why did I do that?
What am I going to do?
And what am I going to do to forget about this one?
And then I'm like BUT REALLY these are problems you can fix.
Number one you need to leave Entwistle Green it's getting me down every time I go to work I constantly worry even more and that they are going to sack me for not being able to get to work and not being able to drive any more but hopefully that won't be long :)
I just need to get myself sorted things just seem to be going good till I just get sort of pushed off track something sidetracks me, it was a good thing I think and I don't regret anything.
But I'm not going to lie. I'm confused, I'm a little mad and I'm a little hurt but it's nothing I can't deal with, but I can see what's really going on and I can see the ulterior motives and I'm going to let you just find out for yourself.
I then want to sort out university because this is something I should really be doing, now some of you think of Laura like aw she's a little ditsy which I can be at times but by god I can get a degree if everyone else can and yes I can be a teacher because I think I have good theory's although maybe telling kids about aliens isn't such a good one. aliens are real shut up.

I just have lots of things going on in this head and it's like overload and it affects everything I do and how I feel and I just don't feel like me at the minute because there's not big problems just little things I need to sort out so until I do I suggest anyone who wants to fuck with this mind stay away or you will just get mind fucked twice over ;)

I can play it however way I want I FOR ONCE I'M GOING TO BE SELFISH.

At the moment I'm going to deal with stuff my way and that's break it down important stuff first and then everyone else later. I'm sorry but I'm not going down the road of constantly feeling sorry for myself and getting told by someone else, what's actually wrong with me.

And they say that some people are deep and that they think about everything going on around them well meet me cos I would really like someone to crack this mid open and have a peek you's be so surprised at what you find.

anyway enough of me telling myself what I'm going to do.