Let's Just Live Through This Life

I found some cd's awhile ago and I forgot how much I loved alexisonfire but, I used to play this song on repeat all the time and I made at friend at college who was obsessed with this song as me, and I just remembered getting the bus and I used to love it because ipod was in my ears and this song was played almost every morning, I was going through a rough time, but I loved the trip there and the trip home totally consumed into what I was listening to. I used to get annoyed when people came on the bus that knew me, haha I would talk to them and when I could find a gap in the conversation I would actually go back to my ipod because I just wanted to listen to my music. Haha I'm quite sad. :)

But it brings back those memories when I was just so simple, went to college had good friends not that I don't now but then I look at what's coming ahead and everything is just so complicated =/.

For example quite a few people know that I'm going to court on the 17th and I'm not proud of that because I will lose something that I love to do, I'm going to lose some independence and I haven't really considered what the hell I'm going to do.
I have found that I can easily push things aside and not think about them which not alot of people can do, but I guess it's easier for me to do than others.
I have never been to court and I almost feel like a kid again a little scared, if I lose my new job that I really love. And I just think what the fuck were you doing?
Why were you that stupid not just ask your mum and dad to help you out. It's because they helped me out that past year so fucking much I didn't have the guts to ask them and I had people around me that I could have asked but I can't do that to people.
I think people think of me as quite easy going a little mental will give everyone a chance, which I do. But really inside of me is this actual person who's abit confused at the moment doesn't really know what to do and knows that there's nothing her power to rewind time. If I had that time I would change a few things, I don't have any regrets I know I have said to people that I have regretted things but life's too short to dwell on mistakes you have made which is how I'm looking at this situation at the end of the day they are going to revoke my licence and the bets thing I can do is just get on with it no matter how hard it is, no matter how down I will feel I need to get it together and grow up a little too. Which is something I thought I had done but I am sensible. I know I don't seem it but I do have a head on my shoulders that I can fucking use! I know I can just sometimes I make the wrong choices but doesn't anyone? I have doubts that I won't tell anyone that I have felt about myself.
I haven't cried since the end of February, I mean about something real, but the other day I just felt like a little girl who was helpless and confused and all it took was for someone to ask what's wrong and it was my dad. I cried to him which doesn't happen in my family because we don't do emotions. And it felt strange because I hadn't felt like that for a good five months and it reminds me why I haven't allowed myself to become that vulnerable any more.
I am also seeing someone at the moment, and he's really lovely he makes me laugh he puts the cheesiest grin on my face like a Cheshire cat! Haha
But I have told him I'm not rushing into anything because I really like him but I haven't got that feeling yet where I'm sure I want him.
You see, when I'm with him I don't want to leave him but when I'm with him I don't miss him as such yet..
And he knows the situation that we are just seeing each other but when we are together we act like a couple we hold hands like a couple we kiss like a couple we take the piss like a couple we do all the couple things and I love it. I think it's because i have missed it but I need to be sure because I'm only nineteen and again I told him this and I don't know what I want I may think I like him but is it really something I want to go through again? I'm not saying it will happen but you can't blame me for worrying although he has made his feelings completely clear, but when I usually know it's going to turn into something I listen to songs and they remind me of him which is happening right now I listen to stuff and it reminds me of him and then I have that little flutter but then I get in this mood where I just can't be arsed with anything or seeing anyone and usually I just want to be around one person which is Gemma most of the time. I then read this and I know I'm confused I just need to open up more. I need to let a guy in and not have a defensive barrier around me saying is this what you want? When I should just go with the flow and if it doesn't work it doesn't work, and I may think this is what I want but then I could want something completely different.

Anyway alexisonfire Rough Hands is still one of my favourite songs and it was the most played on the ipod I believe. I just forgot which is stupid really. Also reminds me of my young warehouse times well boiled frogs does more and this could be anywhere in the world and accidents. haha warehouse is good always good times :)





Then there is the one of the lead singers Dallas Green who has an acoustic band called city and colour which was again one of my favourite bands when I was at college it's a bit emo but I still loved the song.






:)
I'm sure I will figure out what to do I always have got through stuff.



"And now blank stares and empty threats, there all I have"

:)))))

well i couldn't be happier right now, yes shit is probably coming my way but fuck it!

:)





and do you mind?

that's my song!!!

haha :)