I found some cd's awhile ago and I forgot how much I loved alexisonfire but, I used to play this song on repeat all the time and I made at friend at college who was obsessed with this song as me, and I just remembered getting the bus and I used to love it because ipod was in my ears and this song was played almost every morning, I was going through a rough time, but I loved the trip there and the trip home totally consumed into what I was listening to. I used to get annoyed when people came on the bus that knew me, haha I would talk to them and when I could find a gap in the conversation I would actually go back to my ipod because I just wanted to listen to my music. Haha I'm quite sad. :)
But it brings back those memories when I was just so simple, went to college had good friends not that I don't now but then I look at what's coming ahead and everything is just so complicated =/.
For example quite a few people know that I'm going to court on the 17th and I'm not proud of that because I will lose something that I love to do, I'm going to lose some independence and I haven't really considered what the hell I'm going to do.
I have found that I can easily push things aside and not think about them which not alot of people can do, but I guess it's easier for me to do than others.
I have never been to court and I almost feel like a kid again a little scared, if I lose my new job that I really love. And I just think what the fuck were you doing?
Why were you that stupid not just ask your mum and dad to help you out. It's because they helped me out that past year so fucking much I didn't have the guts to ask them and I had people around me that I could have asked but I can't do that to people.
I think people think of me as quite easy going a little mental will give everyone a chance, which I do. But really inside of me is this actual person who's abit confused at the moment doesn't really know what to do and knows that there's nothing her power to rewind time. If I had that time I would change a few things, I don't have any regrets I know I have said to people that I have regretted things but life's too short to dwell on mistakes you have made which is how I'm looking at this situation at the end of the day they are going to revoke my licence and the bets thing I can do is just get on with it no matter how hard it is, no matter how down I will feel I need to get it together and grow up a little too. Which is something I thought I had done but I am sensible. I know I don't seem it but I do have a head on my shoulders that I can fucking use! I know I can just sometimes I make the wrong choices but doesn't anyone? I have doubts that I won't tell anyone that I have felt about myself.
I haven't cried since the end of February, I mean about something real, but the other day I just felt like a little girl who was helpless and confused and all it took was for someone to ask what's wrong and it was my dad. I cried to him which doesn't happen in my family because we don't do emotions. And it felt strange because I hadn't felt like that for a good five months and it reminds me why I haven't allowed myself to become that vulnerable any more.
I am also seeing someone at the moment, and he's really lovely he makes me laugh he puts the cheesiest grin on my face like a Cheshire cat! Haha
But I have told him I'm not rushing into anything because I really like him but I haven't got that feeling yet where I'm sure I want him.
You see, when I'm with him I don't want to leave him but when I'm with him I don't miss him as such yet..
And he knows the situation that we are just seeing each other but when we are together we act like a couple we hold hands like a couple we kiss like a couple we take the piss like a couple we do all the couple things and I love it. I think it's because i have missed it but I need to be sure because I'm only nineteen and again I told him this and I don't know what I want I may think I like him but is it really something I want to go through again? I'm not saying it will happen but you can't blame me for worrying although he has made his feelings completely clear, but when I usually know it's going to turn into something I listen to songs and they remind me of him which is happening right now I listen to stuff and it reminds me of him and then I have that little flutter but then I get in this mood where I just can't be arsed with anything or seeing anyone and usually I just want to be around one person which is Gemma most of the time. I then read this and I know I'm confused I just need to open up more. I need to let a guy in and not have a defensive barrier around me saying is this what you want? When I should just go with the flow and if it doesn't work it doesn't work, and I may think this is what I want but then I could want something completely different.
Anyway alexisonfire Rough Hands is still one of my favourite songs and it was the most played on the ipod I believe. I just forgot which is stupid really. Also reminds me of my young warehouse times well boiled frogs does more and this could be anywhere in the world and accidents. haha warehouse is good always good times :)
Then there is the one of the lead singers Dallas Green who has an acoustic band called city and colour which was again one of my favourite bands when I was at college it's a bit emo but I still loved the song.
:)
I'm sure I will figure out what to do I always have got through stuff.
"And now blank stares and empty threats, there all I have"
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
:)))))
well i couldn't be happier right now, yes shit is probably coming my way but fuck it!
:)
and do you mind?
that's my song!!!
haha :)
:)
and do you mind?
that's my song!!!
haha :)
Saturday, 22 May 2010
what goes up must come down.
I need to think about other things.
Rather than the past year.
1. I don't hate you.
2. I didn't mean to crash into a tree.
haha.
but it's not funny i could be dead.
3. Thankyou for making me realise.
4. I never knew what love was.
5. I'm learning from that.
6. Money= save it.
7. Don't believe what everyone tells you.
8. Take oppurtunites when they come to you.
9. Life is a bundle of fun enjoy it while you can.
10. I'm sorry again.
11. I'm okay with it.
12. Make your decisions more wisely.
13. Look after yourself.
14. Start singing, properly.
15. Drive like a sane person.
16. Never let your friends down.
17. Appreciate your family more.
18. Don't do anything to rash.
19. Fall in love it's the best thing ever.
20. Never take yourself for granted.
21. The future will be amazing unless you don't let it.
22. Make every moment count.
23. No regrets.
24. Quit smoking.
25. Don't hold a grudge life's too short too do that.
26. You were never good at holding grudges anyway.
27. Stop acting so dumb.
28. Let people in abit more.
29. Don't do drugs.
30. Listen to music.
31. Dance because you want to.
32. Be whoever you want to be.
33. Don't take no crap from anyone.
34. Life is a can of peaches.
haha.
35. you were never a philospher although you always wished you had taken philisophy.
I guess
this is a checklist to myself. To make sure i don't miss out.
Because i have held my head down and now it' time to just shine.
Rather than the past year.
1. I don't hate you.
2. I didn't mean to crash into a tree.
haha.
but it's not funny i could be dead.
3. Thankyou for making me realise.
4. I never knew what love was.
5. I'm learning from that.
6. Money= save it.
7. Don't believe what everyone tells you.
8. Take oppurtunites when they come to you.
9. Life is a bundle of fun enjoy it while you can.
10. I'm sorry again.
11. I'm okay with it.
12. Make your decisions more wisely.
13. Look after yourself.
14. Start singing, properly.
15. Drive like a sane person.
16. Never let your friends down.
17. Appreciate your family more.
18. Don't do anything to rash.
19. Fall in love it's the best thing ever.
20. Never take yourself for granted.
21. The future will be amazing unless you don't let it.
22. Make every moment count.
23. No regrets.
24. Quit smoking.
25. Don't hold a grudge life's too short too do that.
26. You were never good at holding grudges anyway.
27. Stop acting so dumb.
28. Let people in abit more.
29. Don't do drugs.
30. Listen to music.
31. Dance because you want to.
32. Be whoever you want to be.
33. Don't take no crap from anyone.
34. Life is a can of peaches.
haha.
35. you were never a philospher although you always wished you had taken philisophy.
I guess
this is a checklist to myself. To make sure i don't miss out.
Because i have held my head down and now it' time to just shine.
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Why do you have to go and be somebody like you.
I miss limp bizkit.
I love this song too.
I miss being a dirty mosher.
But this will by far be one of my favourite limp bizkit songs till the end of time!
"I'm so sorry, so sorry your beauty is so vain" bestpart!
if you don't agree shut ya mouth.
sorry the best part starts at 3:29.
woah i could have Fred Durst anyday.
Again this one has got me moooooving!!
complete opposite to Limp bizkit.
I love this song too.
I miss being a dirty mosher.
But this will by far be one of my favourite limp bizkit songs till the end of time!
"I'm so sorry, so sorry your beauty is so vain" bestpart!
if you don't agree shut ya mouth.
sorry the best part starts at 3:29.
woah i could have Fred Durst anyday.
Again this one has got me moooooving!!
complete opposite to Limp bizkit.
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
You left me in the dark
A fallen star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
This is by far my favourite song of all time, I really mean that.
There hasn't been a day since I found it where i haven't listened to it.
If this song were a man i would be in love with him right now.
Haha :)
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
I hope I get you.
I have that feeling everytime I see him.
That butterfly feeling when you go all shy and don't really know what to say to him.
It's emabaressing for me because i'm not shy of talking.
But he, actually puts a big grin on my face when i get a text from him.
And he puts the hugest smile on my face and makes me want to not leave when he's around.
I haven't been this excited in ages.
It's really complicated though.
You could say he's not my type but he is.
We both can just chat shit to each other and give shit to one another and know we aren't going to think we're weird.
He knows how i feel alot.
I actually just plucked up the courage and asked him if he was interested.
And he said yes and then he brought in the ex...
You see, i'm staying well clear at the moment because he only has recently split with her and i don't want to get involved in that.
But i really like him, and i have this frame of mind at the moment that i don't really want to be with anyone or get to any guys just purely because they are more hassle than they're worth which resulted in me actually hurting this guy flynn a couple of months ago i talked about him on here before but i just couldn't do it.
We were different people as well, and the one thing that really put me off him is that he smoked alot of weed and now that i don't do that and haven't done for a long time didn't make me see how it would work. Because i'd probably be dragged back into that and i don't want that it fucks with you seriously.
I get really worried about my brother and my friends because they do smoke it and i never do it when i'm with them but i just think about how much they're doing it and it scares the fucking life out of me. I once confronted Liam about it and he knew it was problem. I can't say much though smoking i think is equally bad but i just can't seem to not put a fag down and think my lungs are going black inside of me your nannas in hospital.
You would think by how much i love my nanna i would stop.
And i really love her.
When i go up to visit i never want to leave.
Anyway shes a touchy subject with me and i always start to feel my eyes stinging.
But not alot of people know how ill she is just a few mates.
Anyway back to this boy, like i said he's not my usual type.. he's sort of a preppy boy...
Doesn't drive..
Has dark hair and dark eyes lacking the tallness but thats not a problem..
I usual go for quite well...
When i look at a guy i look at hair..
it's shallow i know but i do then i look at their feet haha
to see what shoes they are wearing.
And then i look at their eyes and i normally go for blue eyed boys.
But he's different but i'm just waiting till he figures out what he wants because he's confused me alot.
:)
I have my options though he's not the only one i have been looking at jokejoke!
I'm a one guy girl. Would never cheat on anyone!
Anyway it's Gemmas birthday on Friday and I can't wait! She already knows i'm buying her soulcaliber hahaha and another ps3 controller ahaha so i can play.
I'm a nice friend.
I have been playing soulcaliber and tekken like non-stop since last weekend. i'm fucking addicted.
and annoyed that i can now eventually buy live and then remembered that me ad liam had our xbox chipped and now we are banned. MOTHERFUCKERS.
But then i could go to the darkside and invest in a ps3??
Then i would be able to go on live aqnd not pay for it!
But i had the best day today just cruised into garstang met adz and lee at the pub had a pint which i had been craving for because it was so sunny today!
Then we went and met up with helen and arthur by the river and just chilled till the sun went away i love days like those!
ASjhkldshgwaf there's so much to look forward to this summer!!
:D i can't fucking wait for whit monday weekend it's going to be messy times!
I can't wait to go to the beach and eat a 99! haha :)
And wear my shortsssssss.
Go to the beer gardens!
I just can't tell myself enough how much i love my friends though,
i just woudln't be the same without them.
I hate staying at home i have to be out or just get annoyed at myself.
I just can't wait for this year and the next year and the year after that
because i don't know whats going to happen and i don't want to predict whats going to happen. I hope good things come my way and for everyone!
I'm going to be really sad right now but this is how i realised it was good, I was walking just past arthurs house and i could just smell the summer air and for a second i was just like woah it smells good life is good i feel good i just can't wait!!!!
haaa
i should really stop writing before i start explaning to you how much i love the sky and space and how much we as a human race don't know about it.
It actually amazes me.
hdsahlkdskhdfkfd
i think i have done enough writing for one night.
That butterfly feeling when you go all shy and don't really know what to say to him.
It's emabaressing for me because i'm not shy of talking.
But he, actually puts a big grin on my face when i get a text from him.
And he puts the hugest smile on my face and makes me want to not leave when he's around.
I haven't been this excited in ages.
It's really complicated though.
You could say he's not my type but he is.
We both can just chat shit to each other and give shit to one another and know we aren't going to think we're weird.
He knows how i feel alot.
I actually just plucked up the courage and asked him if he was interested.
And he said yes and then he brought in the ex...
You see, i'm staying well clear at the moment because he only has recently split with her and i don't want to get involved in that.
But i really like him, and i have this frame of mind at the moment that i don't really want to be with anyone or get to any guys just purely because they are more hassle than they're worth which resulted in me actually hurting this guy flynn a couple of months ago i talked about him on here before but i just couldn't do it.
We were different people as well, and the one thing that really put me off him is that he smoked alot of weed and now that i don't do that and haven't done for a long time didn't make me see how it would work. Because i'd probably be dragged back into that and i don't want that it fucks with you seriously.
I get really worried about my brother and my friends because they do smoke it and i never do it when i'm with them but i just think about how much they're doing it and it scares the fucking life out of me. I once confronted Liam about it and he knew it was problem. I can't say much though smoking i think is equally bad but i just can't seem to not put a fag down and think my lungs are going black inside of me your nannas in hospital.
You would think by how much i love my nanna i would stop.
And i really love her.
When i go up to visit i never want to leave.
Anyway shes a touchy subject with me and i always start to feel my eyes stinging.
But not alot of people know how ill she is just a few mates.
Anyway back to this boy, like i said he's not my usual type.. he's sort of a preppy boy...
Doesn't drive..
Has dark hair and dark eyes lacking the tallness but thats not a problem..
I usual go for quite well...
When i look at a guy i look at hair..
it's shallow i know but i do then i look at their feet haha
to see what shoes they are wearing.
And then i look at their eyes and i normally go for blue eyed boys.
But he's different but i'm just waiting till he figures out what he wants because he's confused me alot.
:)
I have my options though he's not the only one i have been looking at jokejoke!
I'm a one guy girl. Would never cheat on anyone!
Anyway it's Gemmas birthday on Friday and I can't wait! She already knows i'm buying her soulcaliber hahaha and another ps3 controller ahaha so i can play.
I'm a nice friend.
I have been playing soulcaliber and tekken like non-stop since last weekend. i'm fucking addicted.
and annoyed that i can now eventually buy live and then remembered that me ad liam had our xbox chipped and now we are banned. MOTHERFUCKERS.
But then i could go to the darkside and invest in a ps3??
Then i would be able to go on live aqnd not pay for it!
But i had the best day today just cruised into garstang met adz and lee at the pub had a pint which i had been craving for because it was so sunny today!
Then we went and met up with helen and arthur by the river and just chilled till the sun went away i love days like those!
ASjhkldshgwaf there's so much to look forward to this summer!!
:D i can't fucking wait for whit monday weekend it's going to be messy times!
I can't wait to go to the beach and eat a 99! haha :)
And wear my shortsssssss.
Go to the beer gardens!
I just can't tell myself enough how much i love my friends though,
i just woudln't be the same without them.
I hate staying at home i have to be out or just get annoyed at myself.
I just can't wait for this year and the next year and the year after that
because i don't know whats going to happen and i don't want to predict whats going to happen. I hope good things come my way and for everyone!
I'm going to be really sad right now but this is how i realised it was good, I was walking just past arthurs house and i could just smell the summer air and for a second i was just like woah it smells good life is good i feel good i just can't wait!!!!
haaa
i should really stop writing before i start explaning to you how much i love the sky and space and how much we as a human race don't know about it.
It actually amazes me.
hdsahlkdskhdfkfd
i think i have done enough writing for one night.
Saturday, 15 May 2010
Je Veux
I want a big fancy car.
I want to live in america.
I want money.
I want love.
I want outdoors
I WANT music.
I want a stage.
I want a hug everyday.
I want sunshine everyday.
I want to eat and not worry about weight.
I want to lie in every morning.
I want to build a house one day.
I want to be successful.
I want to not care.
I want to care more about world issues.
I want to know more.
I want understand everything.
I want to speak four languages.
I want to go to Japan and Australia and Argentina.
I want my hair to be perfect 24/7
I want to stop smoking.
I want to be organised.
I want to be tidier.
I want to be thinner.
I want to be better.
I want to keep my friends forever.
I want to watch cheesy shit.
I want to listen to gangsta rap.
I want to listen to heavy bassline.
I want to go wherever i want to go.
I want to go to nasa.
I want to be with the stars.
I want a telescope.
I want kids.
I want.
I want.
I want.
But you can't have.
unless you try.
I want to live in america.
I want money.
I want love.
I want outdoors
I WANT music.
I want a stage.
I want a hug everyday.
I want sunshine everyday.
I want to eat and not worry about weight.
I want to lie in every morning.
I want to build a house one day.
I want to be successful.
I want to not care.
I want to care more about world issues.
I want to know more.
I want understand everything.
I want to speak four languages.
I want to go to Japan and Australia and Argentina.
I want my hair to be perfect 24/7
I want to stop smoking.
I want to be organised.
I want to be tidier.
I want to be thinner.
I want to be better.
I want to keep my friends forever.
I want to watch cheesy shit.
I want to listen to gangsta rap.
I want to listen to heavy bassline.
I want to go wherever i want to go.
I want to go to nasa.
I want to be with the stars.
I want a telescope.
I want kids.
I want.
I want.
I want.
But you can't have.
unless you try.
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